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Post by Cross Recoba on Aug 29, 2023 7:27:55 GMT -5
Score out of 10: ...
Star of the Night: ...
Match of the Night: ...
Segment of the Night: ...
Spot of the Night: ...
Notes/Thoughts: ...
Code below to copy and paste if you want to follow the format.
[b]Score out of 10:[/b] ...
[b]Star of the Night:[/b] ...
[b]Match of the Night:[/b] ...
[b]Segment of the Night:[/b] ...
[b]Spot of the Night:[/b] ...
[b]Notes/Thoughts:[/b] ...
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Post by robriot on Aug 29, 2023 7:55:06 GMT -5
Score out of 10: 8. Loved the content but can't give full marks until we've got new graphics and presentation issues sorted. I know there's ongoing work happening on that front.
Star of the Night: Cross Recoba comes in like a man on fire. I think he finished the night looking better than anyone else.
Match of the Night: I feel like I can't say Riot/Oni, so I'll go Cross/Windsor.
Segment of the Night: Armand von Krauss is the new owner of CWF? Shut the front door!
Spot of the Night: Tarrasque getting dropped head-first from a superplex position onto solid concrete would probably count as the spot of the night if you saw it in person.
Notes/Thoughts: I thought this was a very strong show that not only paid off the matches that were booked, but also sowed the seeds for the future. If you look at the results of this show and the matches that have been booked for the next card, everything ties up nicely. The writers did a good job of protecting those who no-showed this time but are apparently sticking around and want to be booked next time, as they all have angles to work with. Krauss in charge (in the kayfabe sense) should be a wild ride, as it always is. Demonik got a very strong (re)ntroduction. Kintaru can be a real asset when he wants to be, so I hope he capitalises on that big intro. I'm into Future Shock Society recruiting new members, and I presume the masked person in the Fowler/Ravenna match was one of the people they've approached. I think masked assailant angles are overdone, but I'll be fine with this one so long as it gets explained.
On the other side of things, I know there were issues with double-line spacing when the show was posted, but there are lines where dialogue runs into action, and that's difficult to read at times. For those who haven't encountered them before, we could probably have done with a better explanation of the Vastrixverse characters and those god-forsaken clowns just so everyone knows who they're dealing with. These are presentation and background issues, though - in terms of being an entertaining show, I thought it was excellent.
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Post by blaisemcclancy on Aug 29, 2023 11:33:12 GMT -5
On the other side of things, I know there were issues with double-line spacing when the show was posted, but there are lines where dialogue runs into action, and that's difficult to read at times. For those who haven't encountered them before, we could probably have done with a better explanation of the Vastrixverse characters and those god-forsaken clowns just so everyone knows who they're dealing with. These are presentation and background issues, though - in terms of being an entertaining show, I thought it was excellent. 1) I can honestly say it wasn't an FFS member who did that. That was all on the match writer. I'm assuming it was one of Windsor's hanger-ons. no one new in the FFS till they rp it . And now how they do things. Oni would kick out whomever did that. 2) with the editing window showing me my spaces but the main card NOT showing them. If anyone can give me a pointer to what matches have run ons, I'd appreciate it so I can try to fix that. I'm looking but if you point it out will help me target specifics.
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Post by robriot on Aug 29, 2023 12:07:08 GMT -5
2) with the editing window showing me my spaces but the main card NOT showing them. If anyone can give me a pointer to what matches have run ons, I'd appreciate it so I can try to fix that. I'm looking but if you point it out will help me target specifics. Sure - if you specifically look at the segment "Revelations," there are a few lines where this happens, for example:- Iron Wolf – We think that you know where Union Jack is and you’re going to tell us. That or your days on this Earth end today! Pequeno Dinosaurio looks shocked at Iron Wolf’s words. The Twins just laugh a horrible laugh. You'll find the same problem with all the "spoken word" segments I think
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Post by Cross Recoba on Aug 29, 2023 12:27:33 GMT -5
Score out of 10: 7.5 Star of the Night: Eddie Samo for getting across his character extremely effectively in the opening parts of the show Match of the Night: Ravenna vs Fowler Segment of the Night: Ladder Match Challenge (Wolf-a-dactyl/The Clowns) Spot of the Night: Reverse falling powerbomb from ring through the announce table. Just read that back and that wins [FRON TARRASQUE VS DEMONIK Notes/Thoughts: See spoiler for a lot of thoughts that range in irreverent to relevant. I get the spacing issues but some pretty glaring typos/spelling errors that could have been caught. Equally, not all the matches seemed joined up. The Bastards' matches all had continuity and callbacks but less so on the rest of the show but that's me getting hypercritical. STREAM OF CONSCIOUSNESS NOTES Pre-Show Can't fault being up-front on the graphics. Smart move if outsiders are reading
Intro - Love Black Sabbath, love War Pigs but Jesus, "General in their masses, just like witches in black masses" is the laziest line ever written and no-one will tell me any different - Last week he was the one who put down CJ Walker should probably say month. - Rundown is to the point, some backstory on certain matches would help the new reader get immersed.
Segment - Someone New - Slight repetition on 'I am here' takes away some of the punch. - It's a solid seg, but a bit of exposition on why Blaise knows his Dad would be good (and if it's coming, I'm here for it)
Match - Eddie Samo's Get Samo Over to the Reader Match - First off, I LOVE the Mysterion gimmick and his choice of local Honduran legends - Wrestling tropes still going in 2023- a Samoan headbut WILL fuck you up - Loved the beak breaking on the costume, sells the power of the move - Cobra Clutch Slam to Top Rope Meteora is always a winner on getting the crowd on your side!
Segment - Going Backstage - Great intro into a story already. Well played! - Be keeping tabs on this, it's an interesting story because in my head I can see it spinning off as Samo is the hired muscle or Samo comes to a point where he realizes that the Future Shock Society have him to stop him being a threat to them
Tommy Onions NFTs - No idea how much 55 ETH is...apparently it's like £70k. THIS is why I ignore NFTs like the snake oil ponzi scheme that they are
Match: Abel vs Chris Gibson - Agree with Rob, some explanation of who the clowns are would be good. I know who they are but if I'm reading with fresh eyes? I'd be wondering what in green fuck was going on.
Advert - Roadkill Cafe - I'm 90% certain I've eaten that animal sold as something different.
Match: Ken Howard vs Kuroi - Jesus, Mattel have a Ken doll for every occasion now! - Big vs little matches are always a test of a good writer and this is pretty much a decent example of how to work the size. - Kuroi is tougher than my Aunt's hour-cooked minute steak - Clutch pin FTW!
Match: Iro Waters vs Lana Hill - When is Lana Hill and when is Lane Windsor? - Some nice opening touches with Erica checking the two competitors and Lana circling for the opening - Good nods from the comms team about Waters being a rookie that are complemented by the action. On the powerslam though, you missed a trick. Having Price point out he didn't hook a leg and then going into 'rough around the edges' would have been bomb. - If Lana is missing a finisher, turning the Suicide Dive Tornado DDT into a Slingshot Tornado DDT could well be a good option as it sounds brutal on the ring floor! - Some good work on the arm is threaded throughout. - Nice finish with the Dragon Install to Burning Lariat, puts over both arms as threats.
Segment - Backstage Again - Ms Fortune is really working the roster tonight but the ethics and philosophy angle is a pretty solid reason behind it.
Segment - Introducing Cross Recoba - Yeah, I wrote this so I'm not touching it in feedback.
Match: Tarrasque vs Demonik - Full disclosure: I've been a fan of Tarrassque for a while - Now for big meaty men slapping man meat - That is a HUGE missed headbutt - We have claret!!! - I haven't seen a test of strength in wrestling, real or imagined, in FOREVER!!! - HOLY SHIRTBALLS, BATMAN! REVERSE POWERBOMB FROM RING TO THE OUTSIDE THROUGH AN ANNOUNCE TABLE! - And because of that, the headbutt lands flat with me - Is Tarrasque going to regret not going for the pin... - Yes! A short-arm lariat should be death! - OX BAKER SPECIAL FOR THE WIN! - OFC Armand gets Sticky involved. OOF!
BMW Advert - OOF! An American company saying they don't invade countries like Germans. Guam, American Samoa, and half of the Middle East would like a word.
Segment: Frank Windsor - I'm halfway through and no cursing. Damn, Frank, you heel! Putting the Censor Button guy out of work! - THE Frank Windsor? Does this mean he gets a bodyguard? - Customary play on words about Tap Out Wrestling? Check. - One Foot in the Grave references? I have to say that was possibly the last British TV show I expected to be pulled out.
Match: Recoba vs Fowler - Note to self: Change entrance so I don't get told off by commentators every show - Nice fake-out on the European uppercut to a Roaring elbow - Jesus! You wear another company's belt to the ring and what do you get? That Exploder Suplex to the steps sounds brutal! - Same move, different time but nice creativity with the Fameasser reversed to another Exploder. May borrow that down the line for a match - I think the finish works, the Sleeper Suplex was deployed perfectly in terms of what it needed to do in the match. - Frank, been a pleasure
Segment: Revelations - Ladder match! Although I will never not question what I'm doing when writing out the following: Wolf-o-Dactyl challenged The Clowns to a ladder match.
Match: Ravenna vs Fowler - Full disclosure: Having the most disparate promos in tone from one another, I'm curious how the match-writer interprets this - Some classic big man offense from Fowler with Ravenna having to grab the openings she can - We have a hooded figure! - Fire Extinguisher incoming. This isn't good, I remember King of the Ring 1993. - Solid finish for the champ. - Windsor vs Ravenna? That's going to be vicious!
Match: Oni vs Riot - Some nice background with the All That Glitters tidbit for where they've met previously - Good color to show what type of match the two wrestlers would prefer - Free Fall Sit-Out Piledriver sounds horrendous - Why do referees never count ring-outs in the main-event? - Chekov's Brass Knuckles! - Kintaru interrupts! Minor grumble, I have no idea who this guy is or why he's getting involved.
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Post by blaisemcclancy on Aug 29, 2023 12:36:27 GMT -5
2) with the editing window showing me my spaces but the main card NOT showing them. If anyone can give me a pointer to what matches have run ons, I'd appreciate it so I can try to fix that. I'm looking but if you point it out will help me target specifics. Sure - if you specifically look at the segment "Revelations," there are a few lines where this happens, for example:- Iron Wolf – We think that you know where Union Jack is and you’re going to tell us. That or your days on this Earth end today! Pequeno Dinosaurio looks shocked at Iron Wolf’s words. The Twins just laugh a horrible laugh. You'll find the same problem with all the "spoken word" segments I think Muchas Gracias, Mr. Riot. I got the ones in that segment, but still not double spaced (grrr!)
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Post by robriot on Aug 29, 2023 16:08:18 GMT -5
Score out of 10: 7.5 Star of the Night: Eddie Samo for getting across his character extremely effectively in the opening parts of the show Match of the Night: Ravenna vs Fowler Segment of the Night: Ladder Match Challenge (Wolf-a-dactyl/The Clowns) Spot of the Night: Reverse falling powerbomb from ring through the announce table. Just read that back and that wins [FRON TARRASQUE VS DEMONIK Notes/Thoughts: See spoiler for a lot of thoughts that range in irreverent to relevant. I get the spacing issues but some pretty glaring typos/spelling errors that could have been caught. Equally, not all the matches seemed joined up. The Bastards' matches all had continuity and callbacks but less so on the rest of the show but that's me getting hypercritical. STREAM OF CONSCIOUSNESS NOTES Pre-Show Can't fault being up-front on the graphics. Smart move if outsiders are reading
Intro - Love Black Sabbath, love War Pigs but Jesus, "General in their masses, just like witches in black masses" is the laziest line ever written and no-one will tell me any different - Last week he was the one who put down CJ Walker should probably say month. - Rundown is to the point, some backstory on certain matches would help the new reader get immersed.
Segment - Someone New - Slight repetition on 'I am here' takes away some of the punch. - It's a solid seg, but a bit of exposition on why Blaise knows his Dad would be good (and if it's coming, I'm here for it)
Match - Eddie Samo's Get Samo Over to the Reader Match - First off, I LOVE the Mysterion gimmick and his choice of local Honduran legends - Wrestling tropes still going in 2023- a Samoan headbut WILL fuck you up - Loved the beak breaking on the costume, sells the power of the move - Cobra Clutch Slam to Top Rope Meteora is always a winner on getting the crowd on your side!
Segment - Going Backstage - Great intro into a story already. Well played! - Be keeping tabs on this, it's an interesting story because in my head I can see it spinning off as Samo is the hired muscle or Samo comes to a point where he realizes that the Future Shock Society have him to stop him being a threat to them
Tommy Onions NFTs - No idea how much 55 ETH is...apparently it's like £70k. THIS is why I ignore NFTs like the snake oil ponzi scheme that they are
Match: Abel vs Chris Gibson - Agree with Rob, some explanation of who the clowns are would be good. I know who they are but if I'm reading with fresh eyes? I'd be wondering what in green fuck was going on.
Advert - Roadkill Cafe - I'm 90% certain I've eaten that animal sold as something different.
Match: Ken Howard vs Kuroi - Jesus, Mattel have a Ken doll for every occasion now! - Big vs little matches are always a test of a good writer and this is pretty much a decent example of how to work the size. - Kuroi is tougher than my Aunt's hour-cooked minute steak - Clutch pin FTW!
Match: Iro Waters vs Lana Hill - When is Lana Hill and when is Lane Windsor? - Some nice opening touches with Erica checking the two competitors and Lana circling for the opening - Good nods from the comms team about Waters being a rookie that are complemented by the action. On the powerslam though, you missed a trick. Having Price point out he didn't hook a leg and then going into 'rough around the edges' would have been bomb. - If Lana is missing a finisher, turning the Suicide Dive Tornado DDT into a Slingshot Tornado DDT could well be a good option as it sounds brutal on the ring floor! - Some good work on the arm is threaded throughout. - Nice finish with the Dragon Install to Burning Lariat, puts over both arms as threats.
Segment - Backstage Again - Ms Fortune is really working the roster tonight but the ethics and philosophy angle is a pretty solid reason behind it.
Segment - Introducing Cross Recoba - Yeah, I wrote this so I'm not touching it in feedback.
Match: Tarrasque vs Demonik - Full disclosure: I've been a fan of Tarrassque for a while - Now for big meaty men slapping man meat - That is a HUGE missed headbutt - We have claret!!! - I haven't seen a test of strength in wrestling, real or imagined, in FOREVER!!! - HOLY SHIRTBALLS, BATMAN! REVERSE POWERBOMB FROM RING TO THE OUTSIDE THROUGH AN ANNOUNCE TABLE! - And because of that, the headbutt lands flat with me - Is Tarrasque going to regret not going for the pin... - Yes! A short-arm lariat should be death! - OX BAKER SPECIAL FOR THE WIN! - OFC Armand gets Sticky involved. OOF!
BMW Advert - OOF! An American company saying they don't invade countries like Germans. Guam, American Samoa, and half of the Middle East would like a word.
Segment: Frank Windsor - I'm halfway through and no cursing. Damn, Frank, you heel! Putting the Censor Button guy out of work! - THE Frank Windsor? Does this mean he gets a bodyguard? - Customary play on words about Tap Out Wrestling? Check. - One Foot in the Grave references? I have to say that was possibly the last British TV show I expected to be pulled out.
Match: Recoba vs Fowler - Note to self: Change entrance so I don't get told off by commentators every show - Nice fake-out on the European uppercut to a Roaring elbow - Jesus! You wear another company's belt to the ring and what do you get? That Exploder Suplex to the steps sounds brutal! - Same move, different time but nice creativity with the Fameasser reversed to another Exploder. May borrow that down the line for a match - I think the finish works, the Sleeper Suplex was deployed perfectly in terms of what it needed to do in the match. - Frank, been a pleasure
Segment: Revelations - Ladder match! Although I will never not question what I'm doing when writing out the following: Wolf-o-Dactyl challenged The Clowns to a ladder match.
Match: Ravenna vs Fowler - Full disclosure: Having the most disparate promos in tone from one another, I'm curious how the match-writer interprets this - Some classic big man offense from Fowler with Ravenna having to grab the openings she can - We have a hooded figure! - Fire Extinguisher incoming. This isn't good, I remember King of the Ring 1993. - Solid finish for the champ. - Windsor vs Ravenna? That's going to be vicious!
Match: Oni vs Riot - Some nice background with the All That Glitters tidbit for where they've met previously - Good color to show what type of match the two wrestlers would prefer - Free Fall Sit-Out Piledriver sounds horrendous - Why do referees never count ring-outs in the main-event? - Chekov's Brass Knuckles! - Kintaru interrupts! Minor grumble, I have no idea who this guy is or why he's getting involved.
That's some of the most detailed feedback I've seen in a decade or more, I tip my hat to you
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